Yes, I’m single.
And you’re going to have to be pretty amazing to change that. I, along with many others form part of the fastest growing demographic in the UK, I’m a single female… by choice.
It may shock you to learn that I don’t describe myself as lonely, certainly not as brave and I don’t want pity either. I know what I bring to the table.
CNN wrote that the Census Bureau in 2017 reported that a “record number of adults in the U.S. were not married. More than 110 million residents were divorced or widowed or had always been single; that’s more than 45% of all Americans aged 18 or older.”
This verifies the idea that marriage is no longer considered a key part of adulthood. Over the last decade or so, there has been a real shift in the sanctity of marriage and the perception of its necessity between the modern age man and woman.
Couples, who are together, are prioritising other important milestones such as buying a house or starting a family or travelling together. The nice thing is, there’s really no rulebook anymore.
Anyway, following my last post all about dating and a bit of reflection, I’ve decided to not date. I’m currently trying learn more about who Mandy is and seeking to establish the difference between being alone and being lonely. They really aren’t the same thing.
I’ve taken some time to look at my life and try to make some plans for the future and there isn’t really space for a man right now and I’m not ashamed of that. I don’t feel pressured to meet someone and although I’d like a family of my own one day, there’s absolutely no rush.
You’d be amazed at people’s concern when you say you are giving up dating. “don’t worry, you’ll find someone”, “want me to set you up with Joe’s cousin’s brother’s dad?” etc… People seem to decide that actively stopping the search is a cry for help, like I’m giving up. Yes, I’m quitting searching for now but the reason for that is that I’m very happy with the people and circumstances in my life right now.
I’ve actually forgotten what I’m even searching for when dating!
A short stay in hospital recently revealed to me that I have some very important friends who care more than one man would be capable of and a family who would drop everything to come and be beside me.
So what else do I really need?
I’m going to use the pie analogy again which so many of you resonated with in a previous post. I adore romance. Old school romance. But that’s only one small piece of Mandy’s long term pie… #piegoals.
My pie is currently made up of many other slices which are friends, family, lifting weights, nutrition, socialising, working etc. So I don’t need that piece to be there for my life to be full of goodness. It just so happens there isn’t a romance slice at the moment but it’s still a very full and wholesome pie made up of many other amazing things which make me Mandy.
What are your #piegoals? Are you dedicating too much time to forming one slice? Have a look at the rest of your pie.
I’m not saying that being single should be actively encouraged but it should be respected and valued. There are women who exist outside the worlds of marriage and motherhood and our opinions on everything are still valid. Why is it that in this day and age we view the unmarried woman as someone who possibly doesn’t have her shit together? I don’t (lol) but my point is that it might just be a woman’s choice to be that way.
There are some very successful women who choose to be alone and still have very happy and fulfilled lives. Being single has, as you can imagine, presented some practical challenges which I didn’t encounter when married such as paying the bills alone, taking the bins out, making a cup of tea for myself when I’m feeling a bit poorly etc, you get the picture! But these are first world problems. If I really need, I have friends and family I can call upon to help out with these things and if not, I feel more accomplished doing them all on my own!
Also, in terms of needing the company of another, I proved to myself via my recent transatlantic flight that I can do all the things I want to do all on my own. But with the flexibility to go where I want to go and see who I want to see.
I think it’s amazing to be in a happy, secure and supportive relationship. But what I’m saying here is it’s equally amazing to identify as one. You can be just as fulfilled as a single being and if you don’t feel you are, then it’s even more important to spend time alone searching for that fulfilment.