Relationships and social media…
For the past year of my relationship I have been feeling so down, feeling like I am not enough for my other half. I felt like I wasn’t able to match up to the idealistic sense of “self” I had in my head. I imagined myself to not be argumentative, to be absolutely in love with my partner at all times and to constantly have PDA at any given moment whilst getting banging photos. But if my relationship wasn’t like that, then it’s not love, I wasn’t enough for my boyfriend. Through heated arguments, screaming that my boyfriend isn’t “giving me enough attention” or “we didn’t take enough photos of us” I slowly withdrew in my relationship. When sitting down and talking to others about their experiences and what their “idea of a relationship” was. It became clear the greatest obstacle facing our generation and their relationships is social media.
Social media has been highly infiltrated into both my life and my boyfriends life, and has caused complete chaos. All you need to do is scroll down my Instagram feed or my Facebook feed. Tonnes and tonnes of pictures, statuses, videos of what “#relationshipgoals” are and it is shocking. Cuddles, kisses, soppy statuses and couples who travel the world to get the most exotic places of the world getting photos “so in love”. They have what is stereotypically the best bodies, tan, hair, makeup and have probably unlimited money.
I can hands up say that by seeing this every single day for the past, 6 years probably, tainted what I had believed as the ideal relationship. I honestly thought if we don’t travel the world and get these exceptional photographs, have the best bodies and a huge dopamine high from getting likes on Instagram then your relationship and your self worth is lowered.
Having had many tears shed thinking that I am not good enough because I can’t get that photo that’s going to get the most likes on Facebook because I’m too “fat”,not being cute enough with my partner or not being in the most beautiful place on earth then this somehow made me worthless and my relationship is loveless. I’ve envied these relationships online, the really sentimental ones posting loved up statues and photos when in reality this is not real life. This obsession caused pressure which in turn meant I wasn’t living in moment but living for social media.
It sounds so silly to be writing this now because looking back on how social media influenced my life makes me so sad. During a discussion my partner and I were having recently, I was able to understand what has been going on with my attitude towards social media. My partner has always been so supportive of me during my down times and is always lifting my spirits. He taught me love and self love isn’t how other people see you and your partner, love is a range of emotions, from joy to sadness to happiness and to fear. Love isn’t just a single emotion and it certainly isn’t a photograph or shouting it from the roof tops on social media.
Social media clouds everyone’s sense of judgement in some way through the value of likes and shares. But that is not what life is about. Life is full of ups and downs but no one shares those down times on social media. It’s all used to make people look like they have the “idealistic” life. Sure, people are allowed to have fun and share beautiful and interesting photos and statues but if you surround yourself with that constantly you strive to become something that literally doesn’t exist. I’m sure we can all agree that the people who we idealise on our accounts are for sure going through something that they don’t want to post about but they get a lot of money for posting about how happy and exciting their life is so they post it anyway.
Realistically no one has the “perfect” life, people who have “everything” all have their own heartbreaking battles. People fight, they scream, they have mood swings and that’s just part of being human. Instead of comparing and thinking you’re alone with these feelings. Embrace it, but be a good human being turn anger into positive energy. It’s ok you had a fight, it’s just how you move on from it, it’s ok that you didn’t post the cutest photo of you and your partner because that’s personal and you want to keep it to yourselves as a memory. Equally it’s ok if you want to share these things, but don’t allow it to take over your relationship because it’s toxic, it hurts.
From this post, I hope to help one person or a couple out there struggling with their idea of what the perfect relationship is and what makes them desirable in a relationship. What makes you desirable is you. You are beautiful and you are enough. You don’t need all of this “instafamous” bull crap to make you worthy of someone else or your relationship means nothing. You just need to be yourself, love yourself and love your partner. There is no reason why you shouldn’t, be loud and be proud but don’t let yourself get into a whirlwind of competition to out do those you admire.
Bare in mind to always be kind to other people in person and on social media and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
There is no one who can do you better than you.