Motherhood and Me.
Being a Mum is something I didn’t think I was ever going to be. I wanted it be one desperately yet unfortunately, I suffer from various gynecological problems that made it that little bit more difficult for me to:
2. Carry a baby.
This for me, was one of the hardest, darkest times I have ever gone through. Everyone and their dog was pregnant. But NOT me. I was struggling, desperate and feeling like I wasn’t fit to be female at all. A failure.
Thankfully with treatment, I managed to concieve my eldest daughter Freya.
As much as I loved every minute of being pregnant. Pregnancy however, does not agree with me. I suffered from prolonged SRM (Spontaneous Rupture of the Membranes).
My waters for Freya had been leaking from around 18 weeks. I had notified every midwife of “my leaks” but I wasn’t following any “medical book” stereotypical symptoms. So by the time I was finally diagnosed with this at 28 weeks, I was hospitalised and told to remain as calm as I could for my baby. Of course I done as I was told. And Freya managed to defeat all the odds, remaining safe and comfy inside me until 34 weeks. She was born black and blue the poor wee soul from having no waters to protect her. But she was absolutely perfect and was worth every second of my time in hospital.
I remember telling our parents that I was expecting again 2 years later. They all cried and had the fear of history repeating itself. I was closely monitored throughout the pregnancy due to Freya’s complications. Having to attend every 2nd day to the hospital in my last trimester and being extra careful.
Despite all this and getting to 39 weeks, Niamh had other plans. She decided to give us her own wee scare. She was born not breathing and was blue. She was the biggest baby in SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) with her being full term. But to us she was just perfect.
Freya unfortunately, has not had the best of lucks when it comes to her health. Just before her 4th birthday she was rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis. It was discovered that she had been born with Intestinal malrotation that had gone volvulus. (Malrotation is an abnormality of the bowel, which happens while the baby is developing in the womb. Volvulus is a complication of malrotation and occurs when the bowel twists so the blood supply to that part of the bowel is cut off.)
Again my baby was defying the odds, baffling Dr’s and not following any “medical book”, somehow managing to pass all tests they had to detect what she had. She had undergone 2 major operations in under 4 weeks to save her life and yet she still had time to smile and make us all laugh.
Now, we attend regular appointments to see the surgeon that saved Freya and in Freya’s own words the only doctor she trusts. After all the horrific experiences she has gone through at such a young age, I completely understand why.
She has little trust and fears every appointment for what tests comes next. This hasn’t stopped her ambition to be a pediatric doctor, she fund raises each year for Yorkhill and it holds a very special place in her heart. As it does ours!
Without them, the thought alone makes my blood run cold.
With everything my girls and I have gone through from birth to now, I honestly wouldn’t change a minute of it. Other than to take away all the pain Freya has suffered and allow her to just be. It has made them who they are today, strong independent young ladies that I’m more than proud to call my daughters.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Being pregnant was an amazing experience which I count myself lucky to have had. Being a mother is something completely different. It’s so hard to put into words something that means more to you than anything else. It would be book long just trying to explain.
We have had our challenges from day one. But I try to always stay positive and show strength for my girls.
I’m not going to lie, it’s not been easy. I have cried and screamed, worried to the point I felt physically sick, not slept for days even Weeks on end (Plus the first 2 years of Niamh’s life, sleep was privileged I never got. That girl runs on fresh air!!) they both know how to keep me on my toes that’s for sure. I could write you a list of the challenges that motherhood brings.
That being said, they have also given me the best years of my life, full of memories, laughters, craziness, proud as punch mummy moments and give me so much to look forward too in the future. Each day is a blessing with my girls, which I know I can sometimes forget when daily routines like work and school stuff get the way. It’s important I stop and remind myself of it.
Life’s too short.
Motherhood, fatherhood, fostering, adopting or legal guardian is the HARDEST job in the world. But also the most rewarding.
There is no manual to say which way is correct and which is wrong. Every kid is unique and every household is different. What doesn’t work for me, may work you and vice versa. As parents we need to stick together and support each other rather than comparing our kids achievements to others and worrying over the things that don’t really matter. It’s hard enough without adding to it. Plus these kids are smart, they might overpower us one day!
As long as my girls are happy, healthy and have no worries. Then I’m doing a damn good job as their Mum. Everything I do, I do for them. That’s my job… Being MUM!
That to me is what being a mum means.
The demented (but proud) Mum