I’ve lived with anxiety for years now. And it take so many shapes and forms and manifests differently for everyone. But here’s what anxiety is to me.
Anxiety is multifaceted. Anxiety is suffocating. Anxiety is lonely.
Anxiety is putting pressure on yourself about every little detail of your life just to to please other people. It’s putting strict deadlines on every little piece of your day. Anxiety is approaching the checkout with your shopping when your palms are sweating and your pulse is racing. Anxiety is assuming the woman behind you is angry at how useless you are at doing your shopping.
Anxiety is the room closing in around you.
Anxiety is nail biting. It’s biting the skin around your nails until its red raw and bleeding. Its causing yourself suffering. It’s making extravagant plans then getting yourself so woubd up about those plans YOU made that they become overwhelming plans so you cancel then worry about cancelling.
Anxiety is being antisocial. Anxiety is filling in spaces of silence to prove your worth. Anxiety is constantly seeking the approval of others… particularly those you believe don’t like you.
Anxiety is “Pete, are you there?” At 4.32am in the morning. Anxiety is “I don’t think anyone wants me any more, Pete and I can’t get to sleep”. Anxiety is being angry at no response and placing the blame on others.
Anxiety is “It’s all my fault”.
Anxiety is complex and it’s a different challenge for everyone who encounters it. Sometimes you just have to work with it as part of you rather than fight against it.