Why the F*CK is ‘Slut Shaming’ a thing?

As the single one of Team TEWP, I regularly get to share weird, wonderful and downright gross dating stories with the loved up Mandy. I left an abusive relationship in 2016 and while I’ve dated people since then, there’s never really been anyone who has stuck around but I’m very open to meeting people and seeing what sticks. I’ve met some truly AMAZING people over the past few years, some have become close friends, some I dated, some were never going to be more than a fling, and one, well one didn’t even last 35 minutes.

Last night, one of these Tinder dates messaged me asking to come over. Now I had just been on a date the night before with a funny, smart, Louis Theroux look-a-like and since it had gone so well, I declined the invitation. Before I could navigate away from the message, I received the following:

“Damn. That’s some slutty behaviour”

EXCUSE ME???

The messages kept coming. If I act in a way that isn’t ‘accepted’ then I ‘deserve’ to be called a slut? That by going on a nice date equates to me ‘sleeping with the whole Glasgow area code’? That by being more open to meeting new people and going on dates means I ‘earned the title’ of being called a slut?

Does this person realise what he is saying is so unacceptable?

Sadly yes. He knew exactly what he was saying and even went to the trouble of trying to back up his claim. In a weird twist of fate, years of enduring an abusive boyfriend has left me with reasonably thick skin and meant his comments didn’t upset me in the slightest.

But you, you wonderful fearsome warriors, it upset you.

Many of you who follow my instgram (amy_keast) messaged me, joining my incredulousness! Some of you messaged the culprit and gave him a piece of your mind!

It got me thinking, how can ‘slut shaming’ still be in thing in 2018? And where are have all the decent men gone (asking for a friend)?

If you don’t know what slut shaming is (lucky you), it is described as ‘the practice of criticising people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behaviour and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality’.

Labour MP Emma Husar recently opened up about her decision to leave federal parliament after ‘slut shaming’ articles were published about her.

California council member Rachel Hundley has been in the news after posting a video standing up to a group trying to ‘slut shame’ her by posting ‘racy pictures’ of her. She described these pictures as her ‘celebrating my body at an internationally renowned festival’.

Journalist Areva Martin received ‘slut shaming’ emails about what she wore while appearing on CNN.

The more I read about instances like this, the angrier I become. Who wrote the rules on these perceived expectations? Why can’t we all wear what we want, enjoy ourselves at festivals, and date who we want? Why must we be judged and made to feel worthless for allowing ourselves to express our individualities?

Why can’t we enjoy safe sex and maybe instead of knocking each other down, we celebrate these differences?

Why does it matter how many dates I’ve been on? How many people I’ve has sex with? Why is it not enough that I’m safe and happy and not breaking any laws? Why am I suddenly not allowed to express my sexuality in the way I SEE FIT?

Have you had any experiences of casual slut shaming? Why do you think it is still so acceptable and common? What can we do as a community to protect ourselves from such negativity?

And where are all the nice men?!?!?

Amy @ TEWP x

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One thought on “Why the F*CK is ‘Slut Shaming’ a thing?

  1. Slut Shaming??? Surely the comments say more about the person making them than you. Ahwww was his pride hurt with your rejection? Blimey, retaliation, what’s that about? It’s time we built each other up, not knocked others down. My mother always says ‘don’t speak, if you have nothing nice to say’ she is so right. Slut shaming is another level of pettiness, and speaks more the person ranting.
    You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

    Like

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