It’s been a while since I wrote a blog post!
But it doesn’t mean that I don’t always have lots of ideas floating around for topics I’d quite like to highlight (if they don’t crop up already that is!) but there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
This is something that I’ve become very aware of recently.
So, as you all know, I am an extremely multi faceted person. Whether this is due to my Borderline Personality Disorder or whether I am just wired this way… well, I’m not too sure.
This project’s whole purpose has been to explore who I am and to get to know myself on a deeper level through sharing experiences and connecting with others who are on similar journey’s.
Some parts of myself I’ve found, I’m extremely proud of and some parts: not so much. But it’s all about understanding what and who amplify the good bits and what reinforces the bits you’re not quite so fond of and then exploring those.
If this year has taught me anything, it’s that there is SO much to a person.
Recently, as my profile online has increased a little, I’ve been on the receiving end of numerous messages from strange men on the internet saying things like “I’ve liked you for a while” or “I can just tell we’d be great together”… but how can someone be so sure?
All that person has seen is a few pictures where I’m probably putting my best self forward more often than not. Full face of makeup on, at a moment where I wasn’t harassed or upset or having some kind of meltdown and probably feeling positive about life which, if you know me on a more intimate level, can be pretty fleeting.
This got me to thinking… there is literally so much more to a person than meets the eye.
Particularly on Social Media.
It’s so easy and flippant for someone to say or type that they like you. They are basing that comment on a moment when a few things were aligned in a positive manner… but it’s not easy for someone to show up, like all of the other facets which are good, bad and ugly and choose to stay.
There aren’t many people who would see the image I portray online and then also manage to cope with all of the intricacies in between.
When I’m anxious, I pick my skin.
When I’m unpacking and repacking a bag, it takes me twice as long as anyone else because I have to arrange everything in a particular way. A way I’ve reasoned with myself during the process is organised.
When im anxious, I have meltdowns.
When im really happy, I sing random songs at the top of my lungs and perform random dance moves to support the song…
When I’m anxious, I can’t breathe and decide everyone must hate me.
When I have to leave the house, I have to go through rigorous health and safety checks which take about an hour to ensure there won’t be a fire while I’m away. This is because I was involved in an Arson attack last year. So even although the fire wasn’t my fault, I still panic that it will happen again and that it will be due to my carelessness.
When I’m anxious, I can’t decide who I want to be that day. Is it an 80’s chick with a trucker jacket on? Is it a 90’s vibe? Is it wearing your brother’s Tshirt and then cutting in your own fringe?
So these are just a select few of my intricacies or ‘behind the scenes’… interested now? I know a fair few of you won’t be. But my point is, there is SO much more to any person than meets the eye.
Whatever you’ve based your comment on is literally 5% of that person or if it’s me, probably 2%.
Next time I say, “But you don’t even know me?!”, refer to this post. By all means, get to know me and hang around… but seeing a nice picture doesn’t mean you know me and certainly doesn’t mean you like me.
Mandy @ TEWP x