Dating… I really find it such a minefield these days and call me old school if you like but I’m learning all the fricken time about new age dating and the do’s and don’t’s and everything in between.
I’ve dabbled in a few relationships and dates since my divorce but as I get older and my values and goals solidify, my fear of dating just kinda grows!
Something which has happened to me a few times throughout my journey of singledom which is pretty damaging to my confidence and self worth is “Ghosting”… so naturally, I’m going to write about it on my platform.
So you go on a date… they are very charming and attractive to you and even treat you to lunch and the chat is flowing like nobody’s business. They’ve made you laugh, they like the same stuff as you and your mind’s already reeling thinking about date number 2 with this awesome human…
When the date comes to an end, you give them a hug or maybe even a passionate kiss if it’s went that way and you really look forward to seeing them again.
But there’s a problem… radio silence from their end.
They ignore your messages, unfollow your social media and seem to disappear completely off your radar.
Has anyone experienced this before?
It’s very disheartening and can leave you with so many questions about yourself and your worth, no matter how confident you think you are. I would say I’m a pretty positive and upbeat individual, so I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve frequently asked myself the following questions following being ghosted recently:
1. Am I not attractive enough?
2. Was my chat rubbish?
3. What’s wrong with me?
4. I wonder what I could do to get them to like me more?
These are a tiny selection of genuine feelings and reactions I’ve had to being somewhat ignored after what was, in my opinion, a really great date.
I think a few things to remember just to keep you SANE if nothing else is, none of this is your fault. In fact, someone else’s actions and responses are none of your business and outwith your realm of control.
It can be easy to become overwhelmed with the details on your end but let’s face it, you don’t really know what’s going on at their end! Maybe they’re taken, maybe they think you deserve BETTER, maybe they don’t want to waste your time! Maybe, just maybe, they had your best interests at heart?
Something I’ve found useful to apply to all aspects of my life is to challenge any negative thought which enters me head with:
“What evidence do I have to support that?”
I guarantee that, with time, questioning your own inner voice with this will really help you to realise you make negative decisions on situations and people all the time but most of this is just you projecting your self doubt and insecurities onto someone or something else.
Let me know what your stories are with regards dating and ghosting!
Mandy @ TEWP x